The Merry Go Round

Posted on May 15, 2009 12:00 AM MST by Tiffany Kinerson

Here’s the continuation of my six-year-old’s study of sin. This time, you’ll have to bear with me as I take you along a path that changed my life. Let’s talk about the granddaddy of all sins, the very truth upon which Christianity grounds itself.

Matthew’s most striking statement when asked about sin in his workbook was “not asking for help.” Wow! My mind stills beneath the onslaught of memories of all the times in which I have fallen prey to this sin. Life can be heavy, burdensome, clumsy when we try to pull the yoke on our own. As a matter of fact, it’s straight up impossible. But when we set down that yoke of effort, of striving and of trying and we just say, “I can’t do it; I really need Your help,” then God smiles and grace moves in. Here’s a little chart to explain this system of letting go:

Pretend that there’s something that you really know you “should” do, but you don’t really know how to implement it into your life. This could be something as simple as eating right, or exercising, or not gossiping. Or it could be something deeper, like an addiction to alcohol, or abuse, or laziness. For my example, I’m going to say it’s my quiet time with God.

So what do I do about this “want to” when I don’t ask for help? Well, first I determine that I will do it. I commit myself to it. I write it into my calendar, set my alarm thirty minutes earlier so I can do it. In short, I say with determination, “I will do it.”

 After I commit myself to my quiet time, then...well. I’ll bet you can tell me what happens next, if you are anything like me. I will have success, certainly. But the time is ticking until I fail. This means I’ll succeed in waking myself up thirty minutes earlier for devoted God time...until the alarm doesn’t go off one day, or until my kid vomits on the carpet and keeps me up until 2 a.m. cleaning the white carpets that I just had steam cleaned. Or until I simply don’t feel like it. It looks like this:

And, what happens after that? Surely something else gets in the way. And something else. And then another thing. Until finally, I find myself right back where I began, full circle, at the top of the “Merry-go-round of the flesh,” knowing I should re-organize my life once again, re-commit and pre-determine all the wonderful things I will now do for God. My life in regard to this topic looks like this:

And this starts to get a little annoying. I mean, after all, a person can start to feel like she’s nothing but a failure with only few highlights of success here and there. So what’s the alternative? Remember my little boy’s advice? Ask for help. Let me show you how that changes everything on my sorry little carrousel.

I still want to have some quiet, alone time with the Lord. Because, well, I’m better off with a daily, even an hourly connection to the source of my life. Here’s my heart’s desire:

But what has my history taught me? If anything, as you saw in the above diagram, it’s taught me that I’m nothing but a weak vessel with an attention span of a hyper-active four year old. And my weakness is I simply can’t do it. I fail every time, all the time, with everything I try.

Instead of determination, I now exchange my commitment to surrender. Ah, and a breath of life comes over me. It’s not up to me anymore; I asked for help. And when I ask for help, God flushes my pride out and inputs grace, instead. Like this:

According to James 4:6, God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. You see, when we put ourselves on the “Merry-go-round of the flesh,” then we are acting in pride. We are telling God, in essence, I can do this. Pride says, “I don’t need You.” But look back at the quote from James. When we act in pride, it’s dangerous territory because God Himself stands against us. He doesn’t want us to depend on ourselves. He wants us to live our life in the palms of His hands. In that way, we can glorify Him in every aspect of our lives.

So when surrender is the word of the day for the challenges of our lives, then watch what happens: 

And, check it out, the cycle is broken! There’s no connection between victory and the struggle, because they do not belong together any more. There’s no struggle, no guilt. No blame, no inadequacy. For when we ask for help, this is the question that God waits our whole lives for us to come to. Humble yourselves and let grace—let His power—rein in your life.

How does this work in the day-in-day-outs of life? For me, in the morning, upon waking, I’ll say, “Let me be Your woman today. I want to spend time with You. I want to work where You work, go where You go, love how You love. Show me how to do that.” And if I don’t remember to ask that in the morning, I ask God to put that thought back into my heart. I ask Him to fill me up so that I can’t help but surrender it all to Him. Eventually I don’t beg anymore. Because it’s just there. I long for His grace in what I do. And the best thing is, it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him when He’s in control. Grace is God’s power in us. So, if there is something you know you “should” do, listen to my six-year-old, and ask for help. Victory comes through God alone.

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